The kids have been in summer day camp for 3 days now and I have been having major guilt. It was so bad yesterday that I actually had trouble sleeping. When I picked JD up he was visibly upset. At least to me he was. When he got in the car he said everything was fine but I knew it wasn’t so I stopped the car and asked it if was something I needed to go inside and deal with now or did he want to go home, calm down and then talk. He didn’t want me to go in and I managed to get out of him that it wasn’t a problem with the councilors but a problem with the kids. JD is a lot like me; he tends to sit back watch what is going on, kind of hanging on the fringe while getting the lay of the land. So his second day he hadn’t made any real friends and some of the kids were ignoring him. That wasn’t the worst of it at some point he was going to sit down and another kid came up and deliberately bumped into him knocking him down on the concrete. None of the councilors saw it and he didn’t say or do anything. This was a hard one for the kid; he didn’t know what to do and as a parent I just wanted fix the problem. He shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff. But I also know that this is something that he needs to develop some tools to deal with because while I hope it is the last time chances are it won’t be. I suggested if it happens again that he should ask the kid calmly what the problem was. He should be prepared for a negative response. If he gets a negative response he should not try and argue with the boy. He should just say something like that is strange I didn’t have a problem with you and walk away. If it happens again he should tell the councilor. Tell him something like my mom says I can’t hit or push him but he keeps doing this to me and I am not sure how to handle it. Then see what the councilor does. After we discussed this he felt a little better and we could discuss some of the positive things about camp. We even discussed the differences between his and Amanda’s style of going into a new place and I emphasized that neither way was right or wrong just different. Then I was up all night agonizing over if I had given him good advice or not. Wondering what we would do as parents if this continued.
Well this AM, JD was still nervous and we talked some more and I explained that I didn’t think the kid would do anything again that it was probably a 1 time occurrence. Anyway when I picked JD up today he was much happier. The kid didn’t bother him today. Today the kid picked on a girl and got caught by the councilor. The kid got into big trouble. JD said he was making a few friends and he wants to go back. I did mention the incident to one of the councilors so they could keep an eye on the situation. I don’t know if that was right or wrong. I did explain to her that I was trying to encourage JD to handle it in the way I said above and that he didn’t want to come back after it had happened.
Amanda love camp, so I was worried about her for nothing. But her style is different. She goes in like a whirlwind. By the end of the first day I am willing to bet everyone in her group knew her. It is her way of dealing with new environments. Amanda even recognizes this because she tells me that is how she copes. It is her way of getting to know her environment. If we take her anywhere she has to touch and explore everything. I think part of that is the SPD. She doesn’t like any surprises.
Well for now the situation is calm. I hope it stays that way; maybe my blood pressure will come down for a while. I really wish there were instruction manuals for times like this.
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