9/11/11

Inspired by my sisters blog I decided to put my thoughts about 9-11 into this blog.  I can still remember where I was that day 10 years ago.  I was sitting in the back room of the lab I worked at doing medical billing.  We had no windows and there were more than a dozen of us working.  We found out when one of the girls received a phone call telling her what had happened.  From there it was total confusion.  We had no  way of getting the news.  Everyone thought it was an accident.  Shortly thereafter someone received another call about another plane.  From there all pandemonium broke loose.  Some of the woman I worked with wanted to go get their children.  I was in a daze most of the time; I had a desire to go home.  I wanted to know what was going on.  There were calls coming in from family members letting us know what was going on and also we were hearing rumors.  At one point someone reported there were 6 planes unaccounted for and thought to be in the hands of terrorist.  Our supervisor would come in with reports every so often.  She was getting reports from the state police.  Since we were a medical lab we were considered necessity.  We were located less than an hour from Boston where 2 of the planes were hijacked from.  I think we felt more more vulnerable because of this.  No-one knew if the terrorist were going to try and hit our area as well.  We just knew that some of them had originated there.    I must admit living in Mass at the time I felt a certain amount of shame because our airport had been used to perpetrate these attacks.
  It wasn't until I got home after work that I actually got to see the footage and hear the story on the news.  The rest of the afternoon the day was spent trying to get work done and listening to rumors. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and wondered what kind of world I was bringing my unborn child into.
When I finally did see the news story it was as horrifying as I had pictured.  I had to turn away from the screen when they showed the people falling (jumping) from the building.  I couldn't bring myself to turn it off either.
   The first few days after the attack were strange.  People were going crazy preparing for an attack.  Buying duck tape for windows because they thought it would be a gas attack.  People were afraid to open the mail because of the anthrax that was found in several envelops around the country.  We don't hear much about that but I remember being offered rubber gloves to open the mail we received each day.
   A friend of mine that worked for a day care said they actually put a plan in place what to do if a gas attack occurred.  She said they even assigned specific people to seal the windows.  The people who were chosen had children at the center so the owners felt they would make sure they did the job right.
The whole thing was crazy and somewhat scary.  I didn't buy into the gas attack scenario and didn't spend time worrying about anthrax.  I think I just assumed that you can't control everything and I remember part of me felt that giving into all this craziness was what the terrorist wanted.
    I also felt pride in the way this country reacted to the attack.  People pulled together and basically showed more pride in being Americans than I can ever remember.  For a time we weren't a country divided but a country united.  It was as though we were determined to show the world we weren't going let this stop us.  I wish we had some of that pride now.  We could sure use the country pulling together instead of every man out for themselves.

Growing up just 2 fast Amanda is 7 today

1 day old

2010

Today my little girl turned 7.  It just doesn't seem that long ago I made the trip to the hospital to have her.  She was born in between hurricanes.  She came in like a little angel who refused to eat and still has problems in that area.  She was a quiet baby until the colic hit who loved to smile.  She still does have a wonderful beautiful smile. She seemed so fragile and life suddenly became more complicated.  But you know it was worth it.  Not sure I want the colic back but I sometimes miss the little girl who use to let me sing her to sleep.  Holding her when she would let me, with her.  Now while she likes to be held for a little while she has better things to do most of the time.  She is young yet but she is becoming a truly special person.  She really cares about the people around her.  Like the little girl who had to walk home from the bus.  Amanda and JD walked her home even though Amanda's feet were hurting her.  She didn't want to leave the little girl alone.  She believes in everyone and thinks everyone is good and is her friend.  I hope some of that never leaves her but I know the world can be cruel and harsh; I dread the day she learns this.  Her world is tough enough and we are just trying to figure out what is going on with her and find ways to help her cope with the world.  She does so well most days and I am so proud of her.  At seven she still gets overwhelmed by the world around her.  The more I learn the more I am amazed at the way she deals with everything.  She is so bright and full of hope.  Most children who face the world with her condition withdraw and try and hide from the world yet she moves on.  She may be scared and need lots of reassurance but she still goes on.   She worries about others and wants to help.  She doesn't like to see anyone upset.  I can only imagine the young woman she will grow up to be.  I hope she enjoyed her day at today and on Saturday we will have family over to celebrate her birthday.  I wish mom were here to see the person Amanda is becoming. I hope Amanda knows how much she is loved.