9/11/11

Inspired by my sisters blog I decided to put my thoughts about 9-11 into this blog.  I can still remember where I was that day 10 years ago.  I was sitting in the back room of the lab I worked at doing medical billing.  We had no windows and there were more than a dozen of us working.  We found out when one of the girls received a phone call telling her what had happened.  From there it was total confusion.  We had no  way of getting the news.  Everyone thought it was an accident.  Shortly thereafter someone received another call about another plane.  From there all pandemonium broke loose.  Some of the woman I worked with wanted to go get their children.  I was in a daze most of the time; I had a desire to go home.  I wanted to know what was going on.  There were calls coming in from family members letting us know what was going on and also we were hearing rumors.  At one point someone reported there were 6 planes unaccounted for and thought to be in the hands of terrorist.  Our supervisor would come in with reports every so often.  She was getting reports from the state police.  Since we were a medical lab we were considered necessity.  We were located less than an hour from Boston where 2 of the planes were hijacked from.  I think we felt more more vulnerable because of this.  No-one knew if the terrorist were going to try and hit our area as well.  We just knew that some of them had originated there.    I must admit living in Mass at the time I felt a certain amount of shame because our airport had been used to perpetrate these attacks.
  It wasn't until I got home after work that I actually got to see the footage and hear the story on the news.  The rest of the afternoon the day was spent trying to get work done and listening to rumors. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and wondered what kind of world I was bringing my unborn child into.
When I finally did see the news story it was as horrifying as I had pictured.  I had to turn away from the screen when they showed the people falling (jumping) from the building.  I couldn't bring myself to turn it off either.
   The first few days after the attack were strange.  People were going crazy preparing for an attack.  Buying duck tape for windows because they thought it would be a gas attack.  People were afraid to open the mail because of the anthrax that was found in several envelops around the country.  We don't hear much about that but I remember being offered rubber gloves to open the mail we received each day.
   A friend of mine that worked for a day care said they actually put a plan in place what to do if a gas attack occurred.  She said they even assigned specific people to seal the windows.  The people who were chosen had children at the center so the owners felt they would make sure they did the job right.
The whole thing was crazy and somewhat scary.  I didn't buy into the gas attack scenario and didn't spend time worrying about anthrax.  I think I just assumed that you can't control everything and I remember part of me felt that giving into all this craziness was what the terrorist wanted.
    I also felt pride in the way this country reacted to the attack.  People pulled together and basically showed more pride in being Americans than I can ever remember.  For a time we weren't a country divided but a country united.  It was as though we were determined to show the world we weren't going let this stop us.  I wish we had some of that pride now.  We could sure use the country pulling together instead of every man out for themselves.

Growing up just 2 fast Amanda is 7 today

1 day old

2010

Today my little girl turned 7.  It just doesn't seem that long ago I made the trip to the hospital to have her.  She was born in between hurricanes.  She came in like a little angel who refused to eat and still has problems in that area.  She was a quiet baby until the colic hit who loved to smile.  She still does have a wonderful beautiful smile. She seemed so fragile and life suddenly became more complicated.  But you know it was worth it.  Not sure I want the colic back but I sometimes miss the little girl who use to let me sing her to sleep.  Holding her when she would let me, with her.  Now while she likes to be held for a little while she has better things to do most of the time.  She is young yet but she is becoming a truly special person.  She really cares about the people around her.  Like the little girl who had to walk home from the bus.  Amanda and JD walked her home even though Amanda's feet were hurting her.  She didn't want to leave the little girl alone.  She believes in everyone and thinks everyone is good and is her friend.  I hope some of that never leaves her but I know the world can be cruel and harsh; I dread the day she learns this.  Her world is tough enough and we are just trying to figure out what is going on with her and find ways to help her cope with the world.  She does so well most days and I am so proud of her.  At seven she still gets overwhelmed by the world around her.  The more I learn the more I am amazed at the way she deals with everything.  She is so bright and full of hope.  Most children who face the world with her condition withdraw and try and hide from the world yet she moves on.  She may be scared and need lots of reassurance but she still goes on.   She worries about others and wants to help.  She doesn't like to see anyone upset.  I can only imagine the young woman she will grow up to be.  I hope she enjoyed her day at today and on Saturday we will have family over to celebrate her birthday.  I wish mom were here to see the person Amanda is becoming. I hope Amanda knows how much she is loved.

Starting Second Week of School

Well the kids have started their second week of school.  So far they like their teachers.  JD is happy and seems to be adjusting well to the 4^th grade.  He is at that point in his life where he wants to be treated like he is grown but is still a child.  He wants to be responsible but lacks responsibility.  I am not sure how to handle this because it seems to be a crossroads.  He is just growing up too quickly.  Add to it that we have some of the first signs of puberty.  I actually bought him deodorant and he has had his first pimple.  I am not sure what to do with him or how to help him through this.  As far as school is going he seems to be doing well. 

While Amanda is doing well in school so far at least I haven’t heard anything from her teacher.  The bus has been a different matter.  Because David and I have both had our pay reduced she and JD are now riding the bus; we just can’t afford after school care.  So far if I leave work exactly on time I am able to get home just before the bus.   Anyway the first day Amanda cried during the ride home.  I think she was worried I wouldn’t be there when she got off the bus.  The next day it seems she had an incident where she was defiant with the bus driver.  I only know this because JD told me when they got off the bus.  We explained to her she has to listen to the bus driver and discussed the rules regarding back packs.   As far as I know there has not been another incident. 

So far this school year seems very hectic.  We shall see what it has in store for us.

Navigating To Camp

For the past week we have been playing a game on the way to camp.  Each child takes a turn navigating either to camp or back home again and we alternate who gets to do it. My dad use to play this game with my brother and I when we were young.  Today it was Amanda's turn to navigate to camp and JD will navigate home.  While Amanda was navigating, JD asked if I realized that Amanda was learning her the difference between left and right by navigating.  I told him I did and I thought it was a fun way to learn it.  But they are both learning so much more or that is my hope. For one thing they know how to get home and as we play the game they will learn how to get to other places.  My hope is that they are realizing that even if they take a wrong turn they can still get to their destination.  That there are many ways to get somewhere; some are faster and some are slower but eventually if you keep your mind on the goal you can get there.  As we navigate I take the time to point some of this out.  JD now knows what "No outlet" means.
I am not sure what I learned when my dad use to do this but I must have learned something because I started it with my children.  Thanks Dad

Getting Ready for School

I think I finally have all the things the kids need to start school.  It is funny how each kid is so different.  Buying stuff for JD is difficult.  I picked up most of the clothes for JD when he wasn’t around and the only thing I needed him for was to try on his new shoes.  Amanda on the other hand had to try on everything and try on various sizes to make sure we bought school uniforms that were comfortable.  Buying shoes are especially stressful for her.  To find the right shoes took 2 visits to the store.  She tried on a few shoes at the first store and while they had shoes that she liked nothing was comfortable.  So we called it a day.  I have learned that I can only push her so far before we reach the point when nothing will work.  As we got ready to go shopping the next weekend to finish up, Amanda questioned why she couldn’t wear her play shoes to school and to be honest they would have worked for a few weeks but I knew that eventually she would have to get new shoes and her shoes would wear out twice as fast since she was using them for play and school.  I was also a little scared to not have a back-up pair in case something happened to her shoes.  She only has 2 pairs of shoes she will wear; a play pair and a pair of sandals that she wears to church.  I don’t think I ever have to worry about her becoming a shoe hoarder.   Well we lucked out with the second pair I tried on her; she got so excited she actually put them on and ran around the store.  Amanda wanted to wear them all the time but I explained she had to wait until school started.  She has never had that reaction before.  Usually she gets a determined face and lets me know she will deal with the shoes.  It usually takes a few days of wearing them before the tantrums die down and she wears them without a fuss. 

I sometimes feel like I gyp JD when it comes time for shopping because I spend so much time with Amanda trying to find just the right clothing.  I know that is because of the SPD and if I don’t spend the time on the clothing than it will lead to so many other issues when it comes times to wear them. 

So now after 2 shopping trips with Amanda, one of which included JD, and a trip to 4 different Wal-Marts to find Amanda’s school socks.  I knew what kind of socks to buy I just couldn’t find her size and didn’t want to take a chance on buying the wrong socks again.  A trip to Target for school supplies and David making 2 trips to office supply stores to find the composition books Amanda needed for school.  I think we have all the material things to send the kids to school.  Hopefully now we can concentrate on the important things now.   

Summer Day Camp Good or Bad?

Ok I had to work much of this summer so we signed the kids up for a summer camp they seem to love and hate.  At the beginning of camp I felt really guilty.  JD seemed to hate it and Amanda loved it at first.  It got better after they had been there a couple of weeks.  I kind of eased my guilt because they were outside and getting lots of exercise.  Not only that but they were getting to play with other kids.  Camp has had its up and downs.  When I have dropped them off on some days they ask to be picked up as early as possible.  When I have picked them up they want to stay.  The feeling is I can’t win for losing.  Then other days they are ready to come home.  JD had a bit of a triumph earlier this week.  He has a kid who has been getting in his face each time they play a sports game and he makes an out.  We have discussed it but he hasn’t been sure how to handle it.  I don’t want to step in and fix it because I want him to develop some skills to deal with it.  Anyway this week he did.  He said when the kids starting yelling at him because he got out, JD told him “great you learned what an out is,  I am so happy for you”  anyway according to JD the rest of the campers laughed and boy didn’t know what to say.  JD’s sense of pride was so evident when he told me the story and I was proud of him for finding a way to deal with the issue.  When I told my dad he said in his day and age he would have just hit the boy in the mouth and been done with it.  You can’t do that now a days so I am proud JD handled it in his way. 

I think camp is doing more good than harm because JD and Amanda are both great kids but sometimes have difficulty relating to their peers.  JD I think because he is so smart and I think that is part of his problem he doesn’t seem to relate to the kids.  The other thing I have begun to notice about JD is his sense of right and wrong is developing.  The part of camp that seems to irritate him the most is some of the boys cheat and he really gets angry at this lack of sportsmanship.  I am very happy with this and I hope he continues along this path.    Amanda is making friends and seems to be having fun.  The other day they went to a nature preserve. Amanda who is very afraid of all bugs to the point of almost getting hysterical if she sees one and thinks it is going to land on her came home so happy she is not afraid of Dragonflies anymore.  It seems a few of them landed on her.. one even landed on her butt and she thought it was funny.  She loved telling me about the dragonfly on her butt.  I have a strong feeling that if the same incident had happened while she was with me or my husband she would still be afraid of dragonflies.  I am so proud of her.  

Waxing Nostalgic the Old Time Amusement Park

Today is not so much about the children but thinking of things I had in my childhood that my children may never experience.  In this case my children will never experience going to the local Amusement Park.  Don’t get me wrong I live near several large Amusement Parks but it isn’t the same as when I was a child.  We would buy tickets to go on the ride, I can’t remember waiting in line for very long for any ride.  They never wound us around ½ a mile or so so we would think that we weren’t waiting that long.  I never saw a sign that said wait time 30 minutes or more.  We stayed for a while and then when the tickets were gone we left.  I think tickets were 10 -15 cents each or you bought a book of tickets that were a better deal.  I think most Kiddie land rides went for 1-2 tickets and adult rides were around 3-5.  You could get a hand stamp and go on unlimited rides.  There was no admission prices and we never stayed long enough to have to visit the snack places where were reasonably priced as well. 

The other day Dad was over for dinner and he reminded me of the time his sunglasses fell in the water when he putting my in the boat ride.  I remembered it and also remembered another woman asking how deep the water was.  It was just about my dad’s elbow.  My favorite ride was the Mother Goose ride.   Thinking back I can remember my mom insisting I go on this mother goose ride when I was maybe around 3.  The ride was a kid’s carousal with giant geese.  She placed me in the little “saddle” between the wings of the brightly colored goose that had a little sailor hat on it and handed me the reins.  As the ride went around the goose gently bobbed up and down as it went around in circles.  Mom was so sure I would enjoy the ride and I was so sure I would hate it.  Luckily I was the only kid on the ride because I had to prove I was right and mom was wrong; so I cried the entire time I rode the ride.  Yes I was a stubborn little child and to this day I remember crying while mom and the little old man running the ride tried to cheer me up.  The really funny thing is I remember thinking I was not going to let her know she was right.  After that day, those ducks became my favorite ride until I out grew them.  I wonder if Mom realized I was just being stubborn,  I am sure she got some satisfaction out of my wanting to go on the ride every time we visited so I must assume she realized she was right.  There were lots of other rides I enjoyed and many I wouldn’t dare to go on even as I got older and that was ok.  I even had my first job working at the park.  It was hard and fun at the same time.  Our only uniform was a t-shirt that identified us as Park workers.   We were an eclectic group of people working there from young to old; model citizens to people of questionable character.  But we were a type of family, each looking out for the others in their own way.  It is a feeling I haven’t felt at a job since. 

My children now have Disney World, Sea World, Universal, Bush Gardens, and soon Lego Land as their amusement parks among other things.  Each one costs a small fortune.   Our first visit to Disney was a mini family vacation because we wanted to get the most out of the price of the tickets and we saved up to go there.  We haven’t been to Universal or Bush Gardens and don’t have plans to go anytime soon.  It cost too much.

 We received Lego Land annual passes for Christmas so we will be spending a lot of time there.  I know it won’t be the same.  The lines will be long and the prices for drinks will be expensive.  Because we have the passes we won’t have to stay all day but I know many families will feel that pressure and there will be cranky kids around us because families will feel the pressure to get their money’s worth out of the day.  I can’t say I blame them because that is how I would feel.  I will have to budget in money for drinks and a meal.  Most likely we will bring snacks with us to save some money.  Without the passes I doubt that we would go often enough for the kids to develop favorite rides.

My children may have a job working at one of these parks someday but I know these parks are run more like corporations than small family owned businesses meaning they probably won’t have that family feeling I experienced.  It will just be a job.

In this day and age when more and more things seem to pull the family apart it would be nice to have more places like “the park” I grew up with.  Places that are affordable, where families can develop fond memories.