A Day Without Electronics

      Ok, I will admit frustration and an off-handed remark by hubby, David, sparked yesterday’s experiment.

The remark was “I would like to see these kids go one week without electronics.”  I don’t remember the exact context but it was probably something like this.  It is bedtime and we have just reminded the kids to brush their teeth.  Yes, we are evil parents who still have bedtimes for our children even though it is summertime.  (Oh the horror of it all) My darling 9-year-old daughter, Amanda, exclaims, “Can I see the end of this episode?” She is watching a cartoon on Netflix.  My multitasking 12-year-old son, JD, pipes up “let me just finish this battle.” He has a laptop, Samsung MP3 player, and 3Ds going at once.  We both say no and the kids get upset but know it is pointless to argue so they grumble and get ready for bed finding any excuse to extend time.

     It might have ended there but a few days later when we had to leave neither kid was ready to go.  They had to find something.. get shoes on etc. and I will admit I got angry.  They had time for electronics and TV but weren’t ready on time.  I had told them what time we had to leave and given them 10 and 5 minutes warnings.  So, I said “we will go without electronics on Sunday.” Then I quickly added, because I think I realized what I had said, that “Dad has veto power.”  Well David didn’t veto it and on Sunday the entire family did not use electronics.  I should clarify at this point that we defined electronics as meaning; the use of  laptops, tablets, video games, any device that can access the Internet and say in what is on TV are forbidden when restricted from electronics.  I should also point out that we do not have a DVR or cable or satellite so anything we missed on Sunday would not be recorded and watched later. 

I reminded the kids that there would be no electronics on Sunday; and surprise, surprise they decided to sleep in.  I was the first one to miss the electronics; I usually read the paper on the computer and couldn’t do so.  The children handled it well and we actually had a nice conversation at breakfast, which we together as a family.

     The first complaint and attempt at negotiating a better deal when it was time to leave for church around 9:30 AM.   We generally access scriptures and class information using electronics but since electronics were banned, we were going to have to go old school.   The children wanted permission to use their electronic devices to access information for church.   David and I had already discussed this issue and decided for this week we could bring hard copies instead of electronics.   (We were worried the children would be tempted to use the devices for non-church related tasks.   I could almost picture JD trying to explain how Minecraft was related to the Sunday School lesson.)  We found hard copies, dusted them off  and actually had some Scripture markers to send with the children.  After Amanda complained the books were too heavy for her to carry, JD magnanimously volunteered to carry them for her.  Off to church we went.  David was the only one that was questioned about why he was using a book.  His teacher asked if his battery was dead.. when he explained we were doing a day without electronics David said the teacher got a look of horror on his face and said his children would revolt if he tried anything like that. 

     After surviving going “old school” at church,  it was time to go home.  JD suggested we go geocaching (our family’s latest attempt at finding family activities we all enjoy).  In order to geocache, you have to use a GPS device so that was a no go.  At home, things went better than expected.  Amanda only complained a few times it was boring.   We read books, played board games and the children actually played games together without arguing (yes that was a shock to me).   The children also went out to play without being  told.   Early in the afternoon, Amanda did try and convince her brother they should go to bed early (probably to punish us) so the day would end sooner but that idea seemed to fade before dinner.  We enjoyed pleasant conversation and joking at dinner as well. 

     We also had a mini family meeting to discuss how the day went.  Everyone agreed that day was not as bad as they thought it would be.  The children actually admitted they had fun that day. 

I can’t say this day went without incident.  There were arguments and some yelling.  At one point, early on I was tempted to give back the electronics to I could have a little peace and quiet.    We also had a lively debate started by David on whether I could call my sister since the phone was cordless  if that constituted use of electronics.  I just threatened to old school it by getting the corded phone out of the hurricane kit and using that.   JD went to bat for me and it was decided calling on the phone was not the same as using electronics.

      I really like that we interacted as a family.  It bothers me sometimes when we are together but are all plugged in and not really together.  It was a day without the vacant look in the eyes from too much technology.   David and I didn’t cheat; we didn’t plug in after the kids went to bed but instead had actual conversation with each other without distractions.  It was nice.  Also it seems we were all more tired when bed time came.  The kids didn’t go to bed early but did go to bed tired and slept well that night. 

     Will we do it again?  I believe so.  Will we modify it? Probably, David and I are thinking of allowing electronics at church for class use only.  Also there are some electronics that involve family working together.  For example, Amanda wanted to play Scene-it which we didn’t because it involves using a DVD player.  Also, geocaching would be a family activity so we are considering that.

    Finally, as far as reading the paper and news.. we didn’t miss anything and it was kind of nice not to have that negativity for a day.

4 years and counting

I must admit it has been a very long weekend.  Not in the good sense you know when you have extra days off but in the wish the weekend was over.  I was feeling sick this weekend but that isn’t the reason.  Today is the 4^th anniversary of my Mom’s death.  I can actually say the word death now.  I keep thinking that the 28^th is the anniversary but it is actually the 29^th.  I think because she died so early in the morning.  Or it may be because we sat with her on the 28^th holding her hand as she slipped away.  We all agree it was not a very peaceful experience for any of us.  It was very painful to watch a woman who wanted to live so much lose such an important battle.  But I don’t want to dwell on the morbid.  There is too much of that already.  I spend enough time.  I think after 4 years most of the anger is gone and the questions don’t matter quite as much.  I have accepted that I won’t have answers.

          What I want to remember is the life she lived.  She taught me so much.  Her life wasn’t easy but she was a survivor in more ways than one.  I am very grateful for the 7 years we had with after her first battle with cancer.  It meant my children got to meet her.  She loved them.  They loved her.  As a matter of fact I will never forget that Mom’s last words to each of my children was “I love you”.  I wonder sometimes if Amanda will remember her.  Amanda was only 3 when she passed.  Jonathan was 6.  I think he still remembers her. 

          There are days I just want to call her and talk to her but I know that is impossible.  There are times when I want so badly to ask her questions but I know that I can’t.  So much history was lost when she passed we always thought there would be more time.  It’s funny that even in the end we thought we had months not days.  Regret is a key word at least on my part.  We never even celebrated her last birthday.  She was too worn out from having testing done.  She left for Kori’s shortly thereafter and when she came back she was too sick to leave the house for much more than doctors’ appointments.  It is amazing how quickly life changes. 

          What I remember most about her was her smile.  The stories she use to tell us as children.  When I read the Doctor Seuss story What was I Scared of? , I can almost hear her voice in my head.  I picture her when we use to have our back yard picnics.  I remember the time somebody tried to steal her purse at the Harbor Mall when she took me to the bathroom.  As a child, our family would go out to dinner pay day, usually to a place called Yorks Stake House.  We spent summers playing outside and visiting Lincoln Park.  I can remember her teaching us how to make wreaths using a coat hanger, along with holly and pine that we had gathered in the woods.  She was very creative.  She made my clothes, worked full time, cooked breakfasts and lunch yet still found time to care for her children and make us feel special.  She was amazing.

As a grown up I miss my best friend.  The person I could talk to and would go out to Arbies with (always with coupons).  The person I shopped with, went to FETC, and swapped work stories with.  I can’t say I always took her advice.  She told me to become anything I wanted except a teacher (she was a teacher and you guessed it so am I) .  She always said it was just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man and you guessed it David isn’t rich.  But you know I took most of her advice.  It was good.

It is unbelievable how much I miss her some days.  Other days are not so bad but the loss is still there.  I have a goal to be as good a mom as she was but I know I am not.  I keep trying too.

Mom I miss you and while I am glad you are no longer in pain I just really wish you could have stayed a while longer.  Because even though I am grown I still needed and it makes me sad that my children will not have you in their lives because you were a great mom and a wonderful Grandma.

WOW he is now 10

It seems like just yesterday my baby boy was keeping me up all night while he slept all day.  I should have known how special my child was.  Jonathan has recently turned 10 and this weekend we will finally celebrate it.  I decide to so something I haven’t done and that is dedicate this post to him.

Jonathan is blessed or cursed with some wonderful abilities.  Most things come very easy to him.  He doesn't seem to have to work at much.  The reason I say this is a blessing and a curse is because sometimes we don't know how to push him to try and excel at anything.  I am not sure what will happen when he has to work for something.   I am not sure I am doing my job as a parent.  He is such an awesome kid.  He cares about people and wants to do well but I think I have missed the mark on a few things.  He is now 10 years old.  I realize how few years I really have left to influence him and guide him.  In a few years he will listening more to his friends than to me.  I wonder if JD realizes how special he is.  I know that he reminds me of me in a lot of ways which means I project my faults on him too much.   I know he is his own person and will find his way.  I just worry I am messing up.  Heavenly Father has blessed me with this wonderful talented child and I want him to be the best person he can be.  I just have never learned how to encourage him to do so.  Some days it seems like everything is a battle.  If I had a few wishes for JD it would be that we find something he is really interested in and encourage him to excel at it.  That he never loses his ability to care about other people.  I want him to always remember to look after the people smaller than him.  I also want him realize how wonderful he is and that he is unique and talented.  I wouldn’t trade him for another son.  I try and tell him all this but he is over the mushy stuff.   

I must close with some memories of JD.  I remember teaching him to ride a 2 wheel bike.  It was around this time of year.  We took his bike to a park so he would have plenty of room.  Wouldn't you know the little bugger picked it up right away and barely needed my help.  I think part of that was his determination to do it.  I also remember my 2 year old son eating Santa's cookies.  He couldn't grasp the concept of  the cookies weren't for him.  I miss the child who I use to read stories to.  The child who could climb on my lap to just be held.  I admire the young man who wants to walk home with the kindergartner because her parents were not at the top of the street.  The way he wants help her sister (even when she doesn't want his help).  I know Jonathan has the ability to do anything he will set his mind to and I hope and pray that I will be able to guide him on his way to becoming the person God intended him to be. 

9/11/11

Inspired by my sisters blog I decided to put my thoughts about 9-11 into this blog.  I can still remember where I was that day 10 years ago.  I was sitting in the back room of the lab I worked at doing medical billing.  We had no windows and there were more than a dozen of us working.  We found out when one of the girls received a phone call telling her what had happened.  From there it was total confusion.  We had no  way of getting the news.  Everyone thought it was an accident.  Shortly thereafter someone received another call about another plane.  From there all pandemonium broke loose.  Some of the woman I worked with wanted to go get their children.  I was in a daze most of the time; I had a desire to go home.  I wanted to know what was going on.  There were calls coming in from family members letting us know what was going on and also we were hearing rumors.  At one point someone reported there were 6 planes unaccounted for and thought to be in the hands of terrorist.  Our supervisor would come in with reports every so often.  She was getting reports from the state police.  Since we were a medical lab we were considered necessity.  We were located less than an hour from Boston where 2 of the planes were hijacked from.  I think we felt more more vulnerable because of this.  No-one knew if the terrorist were going to try and hit our area as well.  We just knew that some of them had originated there.    I must admit living in Mass at the time I felt a certain amount of shame because our airport had been used to perpetrate these attacks.
  It wasn't until I got home after work that I actually got to see the footage and hear the story on the news.  The rest of the afternoon the day was spent trying to get work done and listening to rumors. I was 7 months pregnant at the time and wondered what kind of world I was bringing my unborn child into.
When I finally did see the news story it was as horrifying as I had pictured.  I had to turn away from the screen when they showed the people falling (jumping) from the building.  I couldn't bring myself to turn it off either.
   The first few days after the attack were strange.  People were going crazy preparing for an attack.  Buying duck tape for windows because they thought it would be a gas attack.  People were afraid to open the mail because of the anthrax that was found in several envelops around the country.  We don't hear much about that but I remember being offered rubber gloves to open the mail we received each day.
   A friend of mine that worked for a day care said they actually put a plan in place what to do if a gas attack occurred.  She said they even assigned specific people to seal the windows.  The people who were chosen had children at the center so the owners felt they would make sure they did the job right.
The whole thing was crazy and somewhat scary.  I didn't buy into the gas attack scenario and didn't spend time worrying about anthrax.  I think I just assumed that you can't control everything and I remember part of me felt that giving into all this craziness was what the terrorist wanted.
    I also felt pride in the way this country reacted to the attack.  People pulled together and basically showed more pride in being Americans than I can ever remember.  For a time we weren't a country divided but a country united.  It was as though we were determined to show the world we weren't going let this stop us.  I wish we had some of that pride now.  We could sure use the country pulling together instead of every man out for themselves.

Growing up just 2 fast Amanda is 7 today

1 day old

2010

Today my little girl turned 7.  It just doesn't seem that long ago I made the trip to the hospital to have her.  She was born in between hurricanes.  She came in like a little angel who refused to eat and still has problems in that area.  She was a quiet baby until the colic hit who loved to smile.  She still does have a wonderful beautiful smile. She seemed so fragile and life suddenly became more complicated.  But you know it was worth it.  Not sure I want the colic back but I sometimes miss the little girl who use to let me sing her to sleep.  Holding her when she would let me, with her.  Now while she likes to be held for a little while she has better things to do most of the time.  She is young yet but she is becoming a truly special person.  She really cares about the people around her.  Like the little girl who had to walk home from the bus.  Amanda and JD walked her home even though Amanda's feet were hurting her.  She didn't want to leave the little girl alone.  She believes in everyone and thinks everyone is good and is her friend.  I hope some of that never leaves her but I know the world can be cruel and harsh; I dread the day she learns this.  Her world is tough enough and we are just trying to figure out what is going on with her and find ways to help her cope with the world.  She does so well most days and I am so proud of her.  At seven she still gets overwhelmed by the world around her.  The more I learn the more I am amazed at the way she deals with everything.  She is so bright and full of hope.  Most children who face the world with her condition withdraw and try and hide from the world yet she moves on.  She may be scared and need lots of reassurance but she still goes on.   She worries about others and wants to help.  She doesn't like to see anyone upset.  I can only imagine the young woman she will grow up to be.  I hope she enjoyed her day at today and on Saturday we will have family over to celebrate her birthday.  I wish mom were here to see the person Amanda is becoming. I hope Amanda knows how much she is loved.

Starting Second Week of School

Well the kids have started their second week of school.  So far they like their teachers.  JD is happy and seems to be adjusting well to the 4^th grade.  He is at that point in his life where he wants to be treated like he is grown but is still a child.  He wants to be responsible but lacks responsibility.  I am not sure how to handle this because it seems to be a crossroads.  He is just growing up too quickly.  Add to it that we have some of the first signs of puberty.  I actually bought him deodorant and he has had his first pimple.  I am not sure what to do with him or how to help him through this.  As far as school is going he seems to be doing well. 

While Amanda is doing well in school so far at least I haven’t heard anything from her teacher.  The bus has been a different matter.  Because David and I have both had our pay reduced she and JD are now riding the bus; we just can’t afford after school care.  So far if I leave work exactly on time I am able to get home just before the bus.   Anyway the first day Amanda cried during the ride home.  I think she was worried I wouldn’t be there when she got off the bus.  The next day it seems she had an incident where she was defiant with the bus driver.  I only know this because JD told me when they got off the bus.  We explained to her she has to listen to the bus driver and discussed the rules regarding back packs.   As far as I know there has not been another incident. 

So far this school year seems very hectic.  We shall see what it has in store for us.

Navigating To Camp

For the past week we have been playing a game on the way to camp.  Each child takes a turn navigating either to camp or back home again and we alternate who gets to do it. My dad use to play this game with my brother and I when we were young.  Today it was Amanda's turn to navigate to camp and JD will navigate home.  While Amanda was navigating, JD asked if I realized that Amanda was learning her the difference between left and right by navigating.  I told him I did and I thought it was a fun way to learn it.  But they are both learning so much more or that is my hope. For one thing they know how to get home and as we play the game they will learn how to get to other places.  My hope is that they are realizing that even if they take a wrong turn they can still get to their destination.  That there are many ways to get somewhere; some are faster and some are slower but eventually if you keep your mind on the goal you can get there.  As we navigate I take the time to point some of this out.  JD now knows what "No outlet" means.
I am not sure what I learned when my dad use to do this but I must have learned something because I started it with my children.  Thanks Dad

Getting Ready for School

I think I finally have all the things the kids need to start school.  It is funny how each kid is so different.  Buying stuff for JD is difficult.  I picked up most of the clothes for JD when he wasn’t around and the only thing I needed him for was to try on his new shoes.  Amanda on the other hand had to try on everything and try on various sizes to make sure we bought school uniforms that were comfortable.  Buying shoes are especially stressful for her.  To find the right shoes took 2 visits to the store.  She tried on a few shoes at the first store and while they had shoes that she liked nothing was comfortable.  So we called it a day.  I have learned that I can only push her so far before we reach the point when nothing will work.  As we got ready to go shopping the next weekend to finish up, Amanda questioned why she couldn’t wear her play shoes to school and to be honest they would have worked for a few weeks but I knew that eventually she would have to get new shoes and her shoes would wear out twice as fast since she was using them for play and school.  I was also a little scared to not have a back-up pair in case something happened to her shoes.  She only has 2 pairs of shoes she will wear; a play pair and a pair of sandals that she wears to church.  I don’t think I ever have to worry about her becoming a shoe hoarder.   Well we lucked out with the second pair I tried on her; she got so excited she actually put them on and ran around the store.  Amanda wanted to wear them all the time but I explained she had to wait until school started.  She has never had that reaction before.  Usually she gets a determined face and lets me know she will deal with the shoes.  It usually takes a few days of wearing them before the tantrums die down and she wears them without a fuss. 

I sometimes feel like I gyp JD when it comes time for shopping because I spend so much time with Amanda trying to find just the right clothing.  I know that is because of the SPD and if I don’t spend the time on the clothing than it will lead to so many other issues when it comes times to wear them. 

So now after 2 shopping trips with Amanda, one of which included JD, and a trip to 4 different Wal-Marts to find Amanda’s school socks.  I knew what kind of socks to buy I just couldn’t find her size and didn’t want to take a chance on buying the wrong socks again.  A trip to Target for school supplies and David making 2 trips to office supply stores to find the composition books Amanda needed for school.  I think we have all the material things to send the kids to school.  Hopefully now we can concentrate on the important things now.   

Summer Day Camp Good or Bad?

Ok I had to work much of this summer so we signed the kids up for a summer camp they seem to love and hate.  At the beginning of camp I felt really guilty.  JD seemed to hate it and Amanda loved it at first.  It got better after they had been there a couple of weeks.  I kind of eased my guilt because they were outside and getting lots of exercise.  Not only that but they were getting to play with other kids.  Camp has had its up and downs.  When I have dropped them off on some days they ask to be picked up as early as possible.  When I have picked them up they want to stay.  The feeling is I can’t win for losing.  Then other days they are ready to come home.  JD had a bit of a triumph earlier this week.  He has a kid who has been getting in his face each time they play a sports game and he makes an out.  We have discussed it but he hasn’t been sure how to handle it.  I don’t want to step in and fix it because I want him to develop some skills to deal with it.  Anyway this week he did.  He said when the kids starting yelling at him because he got out, JD told him “great you learned what an out is,  I am so happy for you”  anyway according to JD the rest of the campers laughed and boy didn’t know what to say.  JD’s sense of pride was so evident when he told me the story and I was proud of him for finding a way to deal with the issue.  When I told my dad he said in his day and age he would have just hit the boy in the mouth and been done with it.  You can’t do that now a days so I am proud JD handled it in his way. 

I think camp is doing more good than harm because JD and Amanda are both great kids but sometimes have difficulty relating to their peers.  JD I think because he is so smart and I think that is part of his problem he doesn’t seem to relate to the kids.  The other thing I have begun to notice about JD is his sense of right and wrong is developing.  The part of camp that seems to irritate him the most is some of the boys cheat and he really gets angry at this lack of sportsmanship.  I am very happy with this and I hope he continues along this path.    Amanda is making friends and seems to be having fun.  The other day they went to a nature preserve. Amanda who is very afraid of all bugs to the point of almost getting hysterical if she sees one and thinks it is going to land on her came home so happy she is not afraid of Dragonflies anymore.  It seems a few of them landed on her.. one even landed on her butt and she thought it was funny.  She loved telling me about the dragonfly on her butt.  I have a strong feeling that if the same incident had happened while she was with me or my husband she would still be afraid of dragonflies.  I am so proud of her.  

Waxing Nostalgic the Old Time Amusement Park

Today is not so much about the children but thinking of things I had in my childhood that my children may never experience.  In this case my children will never experience going to the local Amusement Park.  Don’t get me wrong I live near several large Amusement Parks but it isn’t the same as when I was a child.  We would buy tickets to go on the ride, I can’t remember waiting in line for very long for any ride.  They never wound us around ½ a mile or so so we would think that we weren’t waiting that long.  I never saw a sign that said wait time 30 minutes or more.  We stayed for a while and then when the tickets were gone we left.  I think tickets were 10 -15 cents each or you bought a book of tickets that were a better deal.  I think most Kiddie land rides went for 1-2 tickets and adult rides were around 3-5.  You could get a hand stamp and go on unlimited rides.  There was no admission prices and we never stayed long enough to have to visit the snack places where were reasonably priced as well. 

The other day Dad was over for dinner and he reminded me of the time his sunglasses fell in the water when he putting my in the boat ride.  I remembered it and also remembered another woman asking how deep the water was.  It was just about my dad’s elbow.  My favorite ride was the Mother Goose ride.   Thinking back I can remember my mom insisting I go on this mother goose ride when I was maybe around 3.  The ride was a kid’s carousal with giant geese.  She placed me in the little “saddle” between the wings of the brightly colored goose that had a little sailor hat on it and handed me the reins.  As the ride went around the goose gently bobbed up and down as it went around in circles.  Mom was so sure I would enjoy the ride and I was so sure I would hate it.  Luckily I was the only kid on the ride because I had to prove I was right and mom was wrong; so I cried the entire time I rode the ride.  Yes I was a stubborn little child and to this day I remember crying while mom and the little old man running the ride tried to cheer me up.  The really funny thing is I remember thinking I was not going to let her know she was right.  After that day, those ducks became my favorite ride until I out grew them.  I wonder if Mom realized I was just being stubborn,  I am sure she got some satisfaction out of my wanting to go on the ride every time we visited so I must assume she realized she was right.  There were lots of other rides I enjoyed and many I wouldn’t dare to go on even as I got older and that was ok.  I even had my first job working at the park.  It was hard and fun at the same time.  Our only uniform was a t-shirt that identified us as Park workers.   We were an eclectic group of people working there from young to old; model citizens to people of questionable character.  But we were a type of family, each looking out for the others in their own way.  It is a feeling I haven’t felt at a job since. 

My children now have Disney World, Sea World, Universal, Bush Gardens, and soon Lego Land as their amusement parks among other things.  Each one costs a small fortune.   Our first visit to Disney was a mini family vacation because we wanted to get the most out of the price of the tickets and we saved up to go there.  We haven’t been to Universal or Bush Gardens and don’t have plans to go anytime soon.  It cost too much.

 We received Lego Land annual passes for Christmas so we will be spending a lot of time there.  I know it won’t be the same.  The lines will be long and the prices for drinks will be expensive.  Because we have the passes we won’t have to stay all day but I know many families will feel that pressure and there will be cranky kids around us because families will feel the pressure to get their money’s worth out of the day.  I can’t say I blame them because that is how I would feel.  I will have to budget in money for drinks and a meal.  Most likely we will bring snacks with us to save some money.  Without the passes I doubt that we would go often enough for the kids to develop favorite rides.

My children may have a job working at one of these parks someday but I know these parks are run more like corporations than small family owned businesses meaning they probably won’t have that family feeling I experienced.  It will just be a job.

In this day and age when more and more things seem to pull the family apart it would be nice to have more places like “the park” I grew up with.  Places that are affordable, where families can develop fond memories.   

Dentist

This week the kids including the big one (hubby) had visits to the dentist.  The children go to a pediatric dentist that they like very much.  JD is too big to play in the play house in the waiting room but Amanda can still play.  Long ago I realized that of all the kids who are ever in the waiting room, my children tend to be the loudest.  Or to clarify Amanda is the loudest and she tends to draw other kids into whatever she is pretending.  She loves playing the the play house though this is probably the last year for her to do so.  A fairly quiet waiting room can get noisy when my daughter is around.  I may be a bad mom but it doesn't bother me.  No one has ever said anything to me about the noise that she makes and I have known for sometime she the noisiest one there and I use to think it was just her personality and I admired her joy for life.  I realize it is also her way of dealing with the tension of going to see the dentist.  While their dentist is great with kids and set up to help make the stay very pleasant I know Amanda is nervous and I suspect JD is also nervous about their visits.  Amanda has had a difficult time finding toothpaste that she can stand the taste of.  She also has a lot of oral aversions and hates the X-rays.  So if she is a little loud while playing I don't mind.  JD just kind of goes with the flow.  He never complains.  I wish I could get him to open up more.
  Well Amanda made out great.  According to the dentist plague just slides off her teeth.  JD is not so lucky he didn't have any cavities but the dentist is worried about it because plague seems to stick to his teeth.  So he suggested an electric toothbrush.  We bought him a really cool one that lights up for 2 minutes so he can make sure he brushes long enough. Of course we had to buy Amanda an electric toothbrush too but she wanted an Arial one.
   Over all I was so proud of them they did very well and the new toothbrushes have helped encourage the kids to brush.
     As a footnote.. Daddy had to get a huge filling barely escaping a root canal.  I hope the kids do a better job taking care of their teeth.

Summer Camp 06/22/01

The kids have been in summer day camp for 3 days now and I have been having major guilt.  It was so bad yesterday that I actually had trouble sleeping.   When I picked JD up he was visibly upset. At least to me he was.  When he got in the car he said everything was fine but I knew it wasn’t so I stopped the car and asked it if was something I needed to go inside and deal with now or did he want to go home, calm down and then talk.  He didn’t want me to go in and I managed to get out of him that it wasn’t a problem with the councilors but a problem with the kids.  JD is a lot like me; he tends to sit back watch what is going on, kind of hanging on the fringe while getting the lay of the land.  So his second day he hadn’t made any real friends and some of the kids were ignoring him.  That wasn’t the worst of it at some point he was going to sit down and another kid came up and deliberately bumped into him knocking him down on the concrete.  None of the councilors saw it and he didn’t say or do anything.  This was a hard one for the kid; he didn’t know what to do and as a parent I just wanted fix the problem.  He shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff.  But I also know that this is something that he needs to develop some tools to deal with because while I hope it is the last time chances are it won’t be.  I suggested if it happens again that he should ask the kid calmly what the problem was.  He should be prepared for a negative response.  If he gets a negative response he should not try and argue with the boy.  He should just say something like that is strange I didn’t have a problem with you and walk away.  If it happens again he should tell the councilor.  Tell him something like my mom says I can’t hit or push him but he keeps doing this to me and I am not sure how to handle it.  Then see what the councilor does.  After we discussed this he felt a little better and we could discuss some of the positive things about camp.  We even discussed the differences between his and Amanda’s style of going into a new place and I emphasized that neither way was right or wrong just different.  Then I was up all night agonizing over if I had given him good advice or not.  Wondering what we would do as parents if this continued.   

Well this AM, JD was still nervous and we talked some more and I explained that I didn’t think the kid would do anything again that it was probably a 1 time occurrence.  Anyway when I picked JD up today he was much happier.  The kid didn’t bother him today.  Today the kid picked on a girl and got caught by the councilor.  The kid got into big trouble.  JD said he was making a few friends and he wants to go back.   I did mention the incident to one of the councilors so they could keep an eye on the situation.  I don’t know if that was right or wrong.  I did explain to her that I was trying to encourage JD to handle it in the way I said above and that he didn’t want to come back after it had happened. 

Amanda love camp, so I was worried about her for nothing.  But her style is different.  She goes in like a whirlwind.  By the end of the first day I am willing to bet everyone in her group knew her.  It is her way of dealing with new environments.  Amanda even recognizes this because she tells me that is how she copes.  It is her way of getting to know her environment.  If we take her anywhere she has to touch and explore everything.  I think part of that is the SPD.  She doesn’t like any surprises.   

Well for now the situation is calm.  I hope it stays that way; maybe my blood pressure will come down for a while.  I really wish there were instruction manuals for times like this.  

First week of Summer Break and everyone has survived

OK so the first week is done and we have all survived.  YEA us! There was a time I wasn’t sure we would.  It might have been the first day and the argument over the stale donut.  It might have been because if feels like I can’t take a restroom break some days without there being a major argument over something pointless (at least in my eyes).   I must give JD credit he has been trying not to argue with his sister so much.  I have let him know I appreciate it and I have noticed his efforts.  It is probably why the arguments are happening when I leave the room.  

Amanda, bless her heart, is going through a real period of anxiety.  She has started freaking out if JD leaves his door open while they are waiting for me to get in the car and start it.  I have taught JD since he was very young to leave a door open until I get the car started.  Only now he is listening to Amanda complain because there are bugs outside.  I am working to help her keep calm and enjoy summer but it is getting harder.  I really wish I knew what was going through her mind.  She has never been that afraid before and nothing that I know of has happened.  I think she may be having a hard time because they will be starting summer camp soon.

First day of Summer Vacation

Today is the first official day I am home with my children. I have been looking forward to this day for weeks dare I say months. Sometimes kids don't know how much teachers actually look forward to the summer time. This year my summer consists of 3 weeks of vacation and 5 weeks of "optional" trainings. The children will spend most of their time this summer at a summer day camp run by the city. While they know we are not talking about it until they start next week. Amanda would spend the entire week in manic mode if we discuss it too much. She was nervous about going to her after school program for an entire day for my workday and she has been at the same place for 4 years.

So for the first day did I do something momentous to celebrate.. Make homemade pancakes in Teddy bear shapes (and for you naysayers yes I have done this in the past)—plan a picnic at the park. Nah, they wanted to have the same breakfast they have every morning and it gets too hot to go to park. Today will be spent finding clothes Amanda will wear for the summer and trying to get JD to clean out his t-shirt draw because I can't fit anything more into it and I swear he has t-shirts in there since before he started school.

We have already broken the first barrier of summertime. How long would it take me to yell at my wonderful children? For those who thought I would go days guess what I didn't even make it through breakfast. The kids started arguing over day old donuts. Dad had told JD he could have only 1 of each kind and Amanda who hadn't been told that wanted dare I say it the second chocolate frosted donut. JD was upset about the injustice of it all, Amanda was confused because yes I said she could have a donut and I got upset because come on people they were arguing over a stale donut!! So I told them in a loud voice if they were going to argue over donuts they could spend the summer in their rooms because I wasn't going to spend my summer listening to arguing. I think I was the silliest of us all. I broke the first rule of punishment.. the referees rules my mom had given me when I first started teaching; Which was never threaten anything you don't intend on following through. It has been more years than I care to admit since she gave me the sign for the classroom and I would do well to remember them. I remember the gist of it which was don't set rules you do not plan on enforcing. Enforce the rules equally for everyone and don't threaten what you will not do. I wish I could find that poster now. I think I need to get back to the basics with my own children. Set clear expectations and clear consequences for not meeting expectations.

I am raising my children in the age of positive discipline and don't get me wrong I believe in positive discipline but I also believe in consequences for making choices. So should I become the referee for the summer or should I just reward the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff. I think a little of both. All actions have consequences sometimes it is positive and sometimes it is negative. That is just the way of life.

The 2010-11 school year is almost over-- considering state testing.

JD will be finishing the 3rd grade soon. I can't believe how big he is getting. It seems like yesterday he just started school. In kindergarten they were afraid he might fall behind in reading. In third grade he scored at the top of his class on the state reading assessment. It’s one of the reasons why I love state assessments so much. They are the same cookie cutter approach to education I can't stand! JD is more of a sight word reader. Phonics just doesn't seem to make much sense to him. He reads above grade level so what is the problem? The problem is that in kindergarten they tested him on letter sounds and in 3rd grade they test on reading ability. Poor kid I was convinced there was something wrong with him back then. I as a parent, and took him to make sure his hearing was ok; which it was. The I worried that he would hate reading and struggle with it.. that didn't happen he loves reading. I never thought I would have to tell him to close the book and watch where he was going.


JD did so well on this year’s state test they want to give him award at school.

He is doing well in other things. He is currently learning the guitar which he loves but hates to practice. This is such a sore point in our house I wonder why I keep pushing the issue. Part of me thinks he will thank me when he gets older.. I doubt it though. To be honest most things come so easy for him I want him to work at something and see progress. I think David thinks I am crazy. Maybe I am. Is it wrong to want your child to learn how to accomplish something that takes effort? Some people tell me he will find something he loves and then he will put the effort into it; they may be right and I may be wrong for pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. I wish he came with instructions.



Amanda has also survived her first year at school. I have survived her first year as well. One of the hardest things was understanding her report card. You wouldn't think that it would be so difficult to understand a report card meant to let you know how a child is doing in kindergarten would be so difficult but it was. I got so fed up with trying to figure out if she was on target or not that I finally gave up and emailed the teacher to ask her if Amanda was on track. Guess what she was... If I, as a teacher, with a master’s degree in Education can't read a Kindergarten report card I wonder how other parents managed. As the school year, Amanda is getting more and more manic. She can't tell me what is going on and I suspect it is nerves about what is going to happen next year. I am afraid to bring it up because if it is something else then I don't want to add to the anxiety that seems to be fueling this manic stage. Just about anything sets her off. Today coming home she was in tears because I got permission for her to get a shirt signed the last day of school. JD has gotten a shirt signed every year he was in school. This morning Amanda said she wanted to do it.. So I emailed the teacher to find out if it was ok. Anyway she was upset because it would be permanent marker and she didn't want to make a permanent mark on her skin. We have had this conversation before and will probably have it again. I have explained that permanent would not stay on her skin forever. She insisted she was not going to do it. I said fine.. it was something for her and not for me so I really didn't care if she did it or not. By the time we got home she had changed her mind again and was going to do it.

I sometimes feel I am going insane because I really don't know how to deal with this. I keep plugging along and trying not to shield her from most of life’s experiences. I don't want the SPD to become a reason she can't succeed in life. It is a hurdle to overcome and figure out a way around but it should never become a something that blocks her path.

Long Week

Well, David had the week off and we planned an impromptu vacation at the beach.  I found a great deal on a hotel and we went for 2 days.  I thought it would be great.  Amanda loved the beach last time we were there and so I thought it would be fun for her and it was the first day but for some reason the second day she was all upset and scared.  I think Jonathan may have freaked her out a little because he said he got pinched or bit by something.  I don't doubt he stepped on something but I don't think that he actually got bit there was no real mark.  Anyway after that Amanda was afraid to go in the water.  Jonathan had a great time after we got him a pair of water shoes.  I am glad he had a good time we even invested in a body board. and he had a blast playing in the waves.  Amanda didn't have much fun.  I wonder sometimes if we cater to her too much but I am trying not to do that so much.  It is hard because she can be so needy.  I tried to get her to go in the waves and she wanted to but every time a wave approached she got scared and ran screaming.  She wanted me to give her a piggy back ride in the water.  Amanda told me how far to go in and she seemed to have fun.  I tried not to push her and at one point David offered to take her back tot he room. She just wanted to go to get a drink. 

Getting Ready for School

Well I know it is early but because of Amanda's issues we have started school shopping early.  In part to catch some sales and in part because I didn't want to run into shortages if I found something.  Well we have Amanda's uniforms; something she will actually wear.  Yesterday was shoe shopping.. my dreaded activity.  The plan was to see if we could find a style of shoe Amanda would wear without all the fuss.  This trip was much better than the last one.. it would have to be because the last trip to the shoe store was what triggered the whole evaluation thing that got the SPD diagnosis.  Well both kids got shoes and Amanda actually wore her shoes out and we went to the play area and she had fun.  I was so happy to have found a pair of new play shoes and school shoes.
Jonathan was not happy he only got 1 pair of shoes.  We tried to explain to him that his shoes cost more than her two pair combined and he didn't need new play shoes.  But Jonathan decided to sulk for a while anyway.  He finally decided he had "punished" us enough and went and played all and all a good day.
Today, Amanda cried when she had to put her new shoes on.  She cried saying they hurt her feet.  I must admit I lost it.  Maybe I don't understand SPD yet but how can one pair of shoes be fine one day and hurt the next day.  She couldn't tell me where they hurt her.  I don't know if I can handle this, sometimes.  Anyway after my blow-up which I regret Amanda decided the shoes were fine.  I tried to talk to her and explain we could return the pair she hasn't worn if they hurt; that it was important that she had comfortable shoes for school.  But Amanda insists they are fine now.  I wonder sometimes if she just hates shoe shopping.  
I feel bad for Jonathan he is so easy going and so easy to shop for sometimes it seems like we focus on Amanda.  We can't eat certain places because she won't eat anything at one of his favorite restaurants.  Jonathan can be so good to his sister and then at times he seems to enjoy tormenting her. 
I was talking to a friend of mine and we decided that all kids should come with instruction books.  I buy a new car it comes with an instruction book but kids are all different and they don't have any instructions.  The so called experts give conflicting advise and it is more confusing than helpful at times.  In the past we didn't seem to have all these labels and I don't remember there being this many problems. 

Swimming lessons

Well the kids started swim lessons.  Amanda was very apprehensive.  She had had swim lessons 2 years ago and that didn't go so well.  Picture a 3 year old sitting on the diving board refusing to jump surrounded by life guards trying to convince her to jump and you might get the picture.  Also picture my 3 year old insisting she did not want to get dunked when they played ring around the rosie and the life guard dunking her anyway.  Well lets say my daughter reacted very badly and slapped the life guard.  I was not very proud and we didn't have her do swim lessons last year because of it.  It was a few weeks before she would enjoy going in Grandpa's pool. So last year Amanda sat out and JD continued with his swim lessons and Amanda sat out with me and waited.  This year when I went to sign JD up the person in charge assured us that they would let the teacher know that Amanda had a fear of putting her face in the water and they wouldn't dunk her until she was ready.  Amanda wanted to try again.  I was anxious for her to have a positive swim lesson experience so I signed her up and listened to her all weekend reminding me to remind the woman in charge that they said she didn't have to put her face in the Water. 
Today I must admit Amanda did great.  She even blew bubbles in the water.  She is fine if she doesn't put her eyes in the water.  I don't know if that is just her or part of the SPD.
You might think I have only 1 child that I worry about but that isn't true I have 2  children.  JD is my first born and a great kid.  I am his mom so I will just say it he is very smart and has a lot of talent.  He is at the point in his swimming lessons where he is actually learning to swim and he does so well.  He just needs to learn to float on his back to go to the next level.  I try not to push to hard because he pushes himself hard enough.  He tends to want to be perfect which means he sometimes gives up too soon when something is hard.  I did great with his swim lesson but something is bothering him.  He tends to keep things inside just like me and I don't know what it is yet.  I think part of it is his friend is in the next level up and he isn't.  I know he wants to move up.  JD also mentioned that he has to "breath" underwater.  I think he means that he has to go under to blow bubbles but he did that in level 1 swimming so I know he can but I think he is worried.  I want him to have fun.  He loved swim lessons in the past so I hope today was just a fluke.

Dance Recital and Diagnosis

We survived the testing but I wasn’t sure we were going to survive the waiting. I still didn’t know what was wrong with my little girl and I was even more unsure of myself than ever. I didn’t know how much to push her or where to back off. About this time it was also time for Amanda’s first dance recital. When I signed her up for dance class I never thought the recital would be a problem boy was I wrong. Amanda has always been a very extraverted child who could have guessed she would have major stage fright.


Amanda started protesting even before the dress rehearsal which is a full dress rehearsal on stage. I emailed the woman in charge and expressed my concern because I wasn’t sure she would get on stage and they said just take her put her in line and walk away she will be fine. But she wasn’t fine. I got her in hair make-up and costume. Not a small accomplishment because just the mention of combing Amanda’s hair brings her to tears, the seams on the tights bother her and she complained the bodice on the costume was too tight. They led her on stage and one of the teachers stood beside her. My daughter was crying by this time and protesting that she didn’t want to go on stage. I was sitting in the audience upset at my daughter’s distress, but not going on stage; I know if she could just do this she would be fine. Amanda on the other hand walked off stage crying as soon as the teacher walked away. They did the dance without her. I contacted the owner of the studio to find out if they even wanted me to bring her back. I was told to get her in costume and see if she would go on stage but not to push. She said that even if Amanda didn’t dance in the first performance she might do the second one once she saw what it was like. She even said I could walk down to the stage with her the night of the performance if that would help. To be honest I don’t know what will help at this point.

We finally received the psychologist report (I actually had to go pick it up) and it mentioned things like Sensory Processing Disorder, ADHD (which I honestly believe Amanda is too young to diagnosis this) and anxiety. We meet with the psychologist the next week to discuss this (the Monday after the recital so I am going into this still not understanding my daughter).

Day of the recital we got dressed and went. No family was in the audience because Amanda was still insisting that she didn’t want to dance. We climbed up to the balcony to wait our turn and Amanda had a small break down because she was afraid of heights something else I didn’t know about my daughter. She was fine after a little while. She just needed to get use to it. Anyway Amanda refused to go down with her class. One of the helper mom’s came up to try and convince her to go down and offered anything from the snack stand as a reward. Amanda still refused. The mom then looked at me and said can’t you get her to go down? I answered no. I saw a look similar to contempt on the other mom’s face. All I could think is she doesn’t know Amanda and I do and this was not a battle I felt I needed to fight. Short of dragging Amanda crying onto the stage she was not going to go and having my daughter dance on stage was just not that important to me. Amanda cried when the woman left and said she wished she could go on stage and I offered to go with her but she said no. I am sure I should have done something but I felt so helpless to help my daughter at that point. We decided to watch the rest of the recital. Which she enjoyed once the pressure was off.

The next day Amanda let me walk her down to the stage when it came time to perform. She still said she didn’t get on stage and I was told by the same mom that I was my daughter’s biggest problem. Maybe I am I don’t know but I still don’t think forcing my child on stage was the right thing. I tried to explain that we suspected Amanda had Sensory Processing Disorder and I couldn’t be sure what was causing her to be so afraid but honestly I was too upset to really discuss it. The diagnosis was new and I was still coping with the fact my daughter has a disorder. Monday can’t come soon enough.

Facing the issues/ Sensory Processing disorder??

One might ask why a person would call themselves and imperfect mom and make a confession to the whole world in the form of a blog. Well the reality is while we may not all confess to it I am willing to bet there are a lot of us struggling along. Sometimes the realization hits us in the face and we struggle with something that we just never imagined. I hit that point a few months ago when I had to finally admit my beautiful, vibrant 5 year old daughter may have "issues". At that point the confusion set in and I must admit the guilt. Heavenly Father had blessed me with this child and here I was sitting in a psychologist office to try and find out how I had messed her up so badly. I didn't think I was doing such a bad job but I must be because there we were. Kids don't come with instruction manuals unless you count the thousands of books that sometimes offer conflicting advice. The Pediatrician had suggested it when I called to discuss Amanda's issues.

Let me back step.. the call to the pediatrician had been preceded by the shoe incident. Trying to buy shoes for my daughter who really needed a new pair of shoes had been the straw/ camel thing. It was a half hour of tears where she complained all the shoes were too tight even when we tried on shoes that were 2 sizes to big. Finally we forced her to pick a pair that was 1 size bigger than she measured out with and had her wear them out of the store. I actually had to carry her out of the store because she was so upset about the shoes. It was another 1/2 hour of nearly hysterical crying at another store while my husband and son picked up a few things and I sat on the bench trying to calm her as she complained the shoes hurt. Finally she was distracted with a $ .50 from a machine. She seemed fine but I was frazzled and decided I needed to know if this was behavioral... I just needed to put my foot down or something else was going on. This was not the first issue like this. For a while she has been very fussy about what kind of clothes she would wear. Socks are an issue, toothpaste is an issue and there were other things going on.

So anyway we are at the psychologist office waiting to go inside so we can have an evaluation and I can find out just how bad a mother I am. I had talked to the school psychologist I work with and he was convinced that Amanda has an anxiety disorder. How can my 5 year old have anxiety when we have tried to provide a nice stable safe home for her? Her pediatrician said to look up tactile defensiveness on the internet. Her preschool calls her high spirited. At home we just accept that she is her own person, set limits, and accommodate some of her quirks.